


If the World Ends Tonight

by archerbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I cried a lil writing this, Post S3, emotional bellamy and clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:05:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archerbellamy/pseuds/archerbellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke seemed deep in thought as well. Her face scrunched up as if fighting the reality of the situation. As if fighting to find a solution from a universe that refused to give it to her. Die, it said.</p><p>or the one where all their plans to save the world have failed and Bellamy and Clarke have a heart-to-heart conversation to give each other the relief they need, in case death sneaks up in the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If the World Ends Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! idk if any of you are like me and listen to music while reading, but if you are, I wrote this to Saturn by Sleeping at Last

_Any day now._

He could feel her eyes on him and glanced over at her. Clarke never wavered when their eyes met and neither did he. They challenged each other even now. He glanced away, accepting defeat and looked into the flickering flames. They almost cracked like the ones he had heard a lifetime ago when looking for another guy that angered him at the time. Another lifetime ago.

The murmur of the others in the distance calmed him, yet terrified him. Any day now they could be gone. How insignificant they must all seem. A muffled murmur. They all fought so hard for a home that rejected them. Tortured themselves and others in their last year alive only to be suffocated by the Earth that gave them the air to breathe to begin with. Clarke seemed deep in thought as well. Her face scrunched up as if fighting the reality of the situation. As if fighting to find a solution from a universe that refused to give it to her. _Die_ , it said.

“I guess this is my payback.” Clarke’s words caused his eyes to rise up to meet hers, which were this time staring intensely at the flames. “We’re going to die helplessly from radiation. Uncanny.” He feels a deep scar inside of him come back to life throbbing as he stares at the flames too.

“Hey, you didn’t do it alone. Karma is a bitch to all of us.” She fights to laugh, but it comes out choked. He sees her jaw clench and her lips purse, her head falls forward, fighting to hold back tears. He had seen Clarke cry entirely too many times. He stands up from his side and crosses over to sit by her side. He never was one who could look at people crying. He pulls her in to cry in his chest and she does. She lets go and cries.

“I almost killed my mom.”

“Clarke-”

“I killed my dad. I killed Wells. Atom. I killed Finn. I killed Charlotte. I killed Le-” Her lips waver at the last one as if she would be drowned when releasing her name. He pulls her closer and hopes the universe could for once let him heal someone. She bawls into his arms and he lets her. “And now, we’re all going to die.”

Bellamy’s heart aches when he can understand the self-hatred Clarke has for herself. He remembers all too well the deaths he has allowed to happen. He remembers all too well the deaths that have occurred by his own hand. He knew _exactly_ how she felt and wishes he could save her from it. She has never been so vulnerable about her own feelings and Bellamy wants to honor the loyalty she trusts with him, so he decides to anchor her. To be what she needs right now. He lets her cries turn into whimpers before lightly pushing her away to face him. She looks down, but his hands don’t allow it and gently tilts her chin towards him, cupping her face. Her eyes widen at the closeness. Bellamy’s heart races from it. He just needs to save this one person.

“Listen to me,” he begins, keeping his voice steady. “When the radiation takes us, I don’t want you to think of taking lives. Before our last moments, we need to forgive ourselves, like you told me to do. You didn’t kill any of those people. You gave them life and life took it away on its own.” These words are partially meant for himself to hear, words that he needs to believe. But he can see it in her clear, blue wide eyes that she wants to believe them too. Needs them as much as he does. He’s starstruck as he lets himself take her in, just this once. He lets himself feel as he always does only in front of her. His leader, his partner, his best friend in a universe that was hell bent on keeping him a monster. He still couldn’t forgive himself for everything he’s done. But he was willing to try with her.

“It can’t be over,” she whispers.

“We’re going to keep trying, okay? You and me.” She nods and her cold hands come to cover his on her cheeks.

“Together.” His eyes widen and his lips part at the word that has tied them together for every lifetime he’s experienced on this Earth. He nods.

“Together.”  She shows a small smile. It’s filled with fear, but also hope and faith. They drop their hands down and look back at the fire, never acknowledging how close they are to each other. After a while, Clarke looks back at him and just shakes her head.

“I’m so sorry for leaving you.” Bellamy looks over to her, meeting her blue eyes that seem to have been opened like doors. He swallows hard before looking away. “How was it? While I was...” She trails off, her voice is quiet and shaky, different from any time he has heard before. He tries to think back before all of this. The first image that pops up is of Gina, the first time they hung out at the bar after his first patrol around the area. He stopped by the med bay before to help out, in some way trying to honor his co-leader. In the med bay, Gina was getting examined for bruises and invited Bellamy to drinks because he should toast himself for being alive. Somehow, he thanks Clarke for that.

“Well, as long as we’re being honest. It was hard but fun.” She stares at him while he speaks. “We got used to the metal space junk we call home. We found horses, the Rover. We messed around on patrol sometimes by the stream. The idiots were too much to handle sometimes. We found more people to rely on.” Bellamy goes quiet. When he glances at Clarke, he sees her still staring at him.

“You were counting on me.” He feels shaken from her abrupt statement but only settles to staring at the burning wood.

“Would you have come back?” It’s her turn to be caught off guard. Her mouth parts slightly and she quickly closes it, regaining herself. He had to ask. This question had flamed in his mind, burning harsher when he tried to smother it. If the circumstances were different, would she have even considered coming back? The campfire began to shrink.

“I’d hope so.” Clarke looks up instead at the night sky. Bellamy looks up too and speaks up.

“I’d hope so too.” Bellamy can feel her eyes on him. After a moment’s pause, he feels arms wrapped around him. He splutters, caught off guard. Clarke’s face buried in his shoulder.

“Thank you, Bellamy.” He can feel Clarke staining his shoulders with tears. He’s frozen. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For being there for me, for forgiving me, for fighting with me. And I’m so sorry I didn’t do the same with you.” She lets out a shaky breath. He believes he’s forgotten how to breathe. “But, you won’t be alone this time. Whether we save the world or let it die, you won’t be alone. And you know what? Follow your own advice and forgive yourself, Bellamy. You deserve it so much.” She stays silent before she breaths out her last sentence. “You’re no monster.”

He remains frozen, feeling himself collapse internally before wrapping his arms around her tightly, burying himself in her shoulder as his own tears begin to spill. The day Bellamy saw Clarke again for the first time, he felt too much. He felt anger, pain, happiness, relief, bliss, fear, and doubt. She had been the one person in the world, beside Octavia, to make him feel as if his existence were valid. It was true to this moment. The warmth of her hug and the familiarity of the smell of her hair was intoxicating. The radiation could hit him right now. Steal the oxygen from his lungs and the future he had dreamt for all of them. He feels this would be the perfect way to end his life.

They held each other for what felt like ages, long past when the fire went out and the murmuring stopped. When his eyes got droopy and her breathing slowed, he gently pulled her down to rest her head on his shoulder. Miller walked over to him and laid out two packs for them to sleep by the burnt out fire. Bellamy nods in a thanks and Miller shows a small exhausted smile in return.

Carefully, Bellamy eases Clarke on to the worn out material. As he was getting up, she grabbed his wrist. Without opening her eyes, she mumbles a “stay, please.” He fondly brings his bag closer to her and studies her face, her wistful eyelashes and radiant hair bathed in the moonlight.

“You’re getting soft on me, Princess.”

“Shut up,” she mumbles. He turns to the stars hovering above them, whispering silent goodbyes to them. She doesn’t let go of his wrist until she decides to just hold his hand. “If we die tonight, I hope I see you on the other side.” Too sleepy to overanalyze the very idea of an afterlife, he closes his eyes and hums.

“I’ll be waiting.”


End file.
